beenie

Funny Phone Call

Subtitled: Why I Will Never Have Dish Network

I just got off the most entertaining phone call - it was a recorded telemarketing call saying "great news!..." something about Dish installing in our area. Being in a sales position myself, I decided to stay on the line and talk to a rep to ask a bunch of questions so I could experience some of their sales tactics.

DISCLAIMER: I work for a cable company, so I will admit to being a little biased. But after this call, even if I didn't work for the cable company, even if I moved somewhere where my only option was satellite or nothing, I'd choose nothing.

One question I asked her was about advantages of satellite over cable. All she could come up with was "we don't have any franchise fees." I explained franchise fees to her (it's basically a right-of-way agreement between the city and a cable company, stating that the cable company charges a small monthly fee, which is gives to the local government, and that fee grants the cable company the right to use roads and poles in the area - it's a couple of bucks a month that goes right back into the community). I asked her what satellite companies contribute to my local community and she sputtered and started talking about something else. Every effort I made to ask about advantages that aren't cost-related was met by attempts to re-direct the conversation to the overall difference in monthly cost.

She kept asking me about my channel lineup and emphasizing the point that they have over 150 channels. I asked her for a breakdown of shopping/religious/public access channels - when she told me how many there were, I said "well, that eliminates about 25 channels right there." She wasn't too thrilled about that.

She kept speaking over me, giving me incorrect information that she would wind up having to clarify (with the appropriate attitude) after I paraphrased her answer back to her and then asked her a more pointed question. For example:

She told me that the DVR is free. Now, I love "free." But I later found out from her that while there is no fee for the actual unit itself, there is a monthly charge for the service. Then I asked her if I got to keep the DVR once I terminated the service and only then did she tell me that my "FREE DVR!!!" had to be returned. So I get the machine for free, but I have to give it back later and pay a monthly fee for the service. So much for my FREE DVR!!!

She told me that installation was free, but in the same breath told me that there's a $50.00 "activation" fee, payable only by credit card or check-by-phone.

She told me that the price was for up to 4 TVs. It wasn't until I probed more deeply that I found out that if you want to wacth different programming on all the TVs that you need a receiver on each TV at a price of a $4.95 "programming fee" per "independently watchable" TV. Meaning that if you don't have a receiver on one TV, you have to watch what someone else is watching in a room that has a receiver.

I asked her about the SuperDish, which according to Dish Network's website is required to get international programming. She told me that I'd only need it if I wanted international programming. However, I already knew that I'd also need it for my area's local programming, based on the website. I asked her about this, and only then did she admit that I would need one for local channels and that it was an extra $60.00 for the unit.

She also kept emphasizing how much less the monthly service costs. But while I'm a bargain hunter, I also am aware of value. If I can afford to pay more for something that might be a better value, I'll do it (of course, I'll be the first to admit that there are indeed times where my wallet wins).

She also emphasized that it came with free house protection. Dish's house protection is usually $5.99 a month, so I'm thinking "hey, more free stuff." But with their house protection, I would get a normal $99.00 service call fee reduced to $29.00. Sweet deal, right? Not when I figure that my current cable provider has a $2.45 fee for protection, and it gives you free service, while the normal service call fee is only $24.99 to begin with.

I asked about Video On Demand. I asked if it was free and she told me yes. I said "so Video on Demand Movies are free?" She then said no, that they're $3.00 and that they can be ordered as long as your receiver is connected to a phone line, or that I can call customer service for a "convenience fee" of $5.00 to order one from a live rep. I asked if they have any free On Demand programs, and explained that with cable, as long as I subscribe to such-and-such channel that I can order some of their programming for free. All she said was "oh... no," and went on to something else.

I asked about weather outages and she said "we've upgraded all of our equipment to be weather-protected." How do you "weather-protect" a piece of electronic equipment that sits outside? How do you keep a satellite transmission from being blocked by storms? How do you keep snow from building up inside your dish? She couldn't answer any of those questions, kept tryig to redirect me to how much cheaper the service is, sounding more and more frustrated by the minute.

She never mentioned a contract or agreement. She even told me I could cancel any time. Well, of course I can cancel a service any time, it's my right as a consumer. But she didn't tell me until I flat-out asked her if there would be a penalty. Of course there is. The fee is $13.33 per month for every month under 18 months that you don't keep the service. So yes, there is a contract. An 18-month contract. And while they say "you can cancel any time," there is a penalty for doing so. And they seem to have a rather tidy "don't ask, don't tell" policy about it.

I could tell in her voice that she was getting very impatient with me (I guess educated consumers are the enemy of pushy salespeople everywhere), so I was going to be nice and let her off the hook of trying to sell me something (which she wasn't doing a very good job of, anyway), and tell her that I get my cable for free, but when I asked for some more examples of the benefit of satellite over cable, because I wasn't really "ready to make the switch based on price alone," she came out with this gem:

"Well that's just fine, ma'am - you can stay with cable. You don't deserve Dish Network anyway," and hung up on me.

HA!

That's right. I don't deserve shady selling tactics. I don't deserve your "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding your contract. I don't deserve your end-run around my attempts to be an educated consumer. I don't deserve to be told that you offer free equipment and installation, only to find out that between "activation" and the extra equipment I'd need to get my local channels, start-up costs would be over $100.00.

You're right, I don't deserve Dish Network. I deserve better.

Okay, now for the flip side... why I feel cable is so much better.

The "protection" thingie? Okay, so a service call is $24.99 - but it's only charged if the problem you're having is caused by your interior wiring or your equipment. If something's wrong with our receiver? Free. If something's wrong with outside wiring? Free.

No contract.

We don't tell you something's FREE!!! when it's not. Yeah, we have a monthly fee for our DVR service, too. And you don't pay outright for the equipment itself. So while the service is similar, we don't go telling you the DVR's free.

No receiver on another TV? No problem! You automatically get what satellite would call our "Top 70" on every TV, no equipment needed, and they're all "independently watchable."

I've had new customers coming from satellite (NCCFS) tell me they lose their signal on windy days. I've had NCCFS tell me they lose their signal on cloudy days. I've had NCCFS tell me that they lose their signal when it snows and have been told to climb up on their roof to sweep the snow off their dish. Or they can pay a "convenience fee" of anywhere between $50 and $100 to have someone do it for them. I've had NCCFS that if their dish gets blown out of alignment that they can either climb up on the roof and re-align it themselves or they can pay that same "convenience fee" to have someone do it for them.

Some other gems I found in Dish Network's residential agreement:

$5.00 fee for calling to remove programming from your account (free with my company)

$5.00 fee to pay your bill over the phone ($1.99 with my company)

If you're in a contract, you can't downgrade your service until that contract is up

Monthly "Service Access Fee" if you fail to subscribe to certain packages. WTF?

Fee for a duplicate bill.

$1.00 fee for ordering a PPV over the phone using their automated system (it's $5.00 if you actually have to speak with a person).

Something else I'm confused about - there is a $4.99 programming fee per outlet, and a $5.00 equipment rental fee per leased receiver after the first. So does that mean that it's $9.99 per TV to have "independently watchable programming?" She told me that the package she offered me was $xx.xx (I don't remember) on up to 4 TVs. Does that only apply to the first 18 months? Would I have to pay more after that?

I wish I would have been a little more prepared for that phone call. But hey, I just need to remember that I don't deserve Dish Network and I'll be just fine.

Posted by beenie at April 4, 2006 06:22 PM