beenie

I've never done this before, and I'm scared

While perusing the Fashion Bug clearance rack today, I came upon the cutest skirt. Light khaki with brown embroidery on it. 70% off made it under $2.00. Not my size. It's a size 26, which wouldn't even have fit me in my senior year of high school. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have gone to my reunion even if I lived out there - my prom dress was a size 28, and I've probably gained 60 pounds since then.

I bought it anyway.

I want to be in that skirt by the end of winter. It would be adorable with a brown sweater, cream tights and brown loafers.

I have a complete physical - my first ever - coming up on 9/9. At that time, I will discuss my weight with my doctor. If he doesn't bring it up, I will. I've been too fat for too long. It's begun catching up with me. And to be perfectly honest, I'm sick of it anyway. I've said "it's time" before, but now I'm actually going to talk to a doctor about it - on purpose.

I've done research, I've modified my eating habits somewhat, but I have no idea how to go about this. There are so many things I've heard, so many things I've read, and while many of them sound like they make sense, I want concrete medical advice now. No more "oh, this worked for so-and-so," or "so-and-so did this so maybe I'll try it." I want to hear it from a doctor. I want to know what to do.

I know that it's calories in vs. calories out, but I need real medical advice on the "calories out" part. Due to my size, it's hard for me to exercise. I'm honestly afraid of what will happen if I push my body too hard, which is unfortunately seen by some as anything from copping out to sheer laziness. I want real answers from a trained medical professional on what I can and cannot safely make my body do. I want to know what is "too hard."

I also want to discuss some of those calculators I've seen online - the ones that tell you how many calories you need to ingest to stay at your current weight. I've tried a few and every single one has told me that I'd need to ingest somewhere in the 3,000-4,000 calorie range to maintain my current weight. I might eat 2,000 a day, if that, and nary a pound has seen fit to take a hike. Someone I know who has done a lot of research suggested that maybe I should eat 3,000-4,000 calories a day for a few weeks to jumpstart my nonexistant metabolism and then start cutting back. I want to know if that could possibly be true.

I want to discuss the whole glycemic index, good carb vs. bad carb thing.

I need to have bloodwork done to make sure I'm not diabetic, like my mom, my baby sister and my paternal grandmother (who currently has to go to dialysis 3x a week due to diabetes-related kidney failure). A couple of years ago, I went to a cardiologist due to heart palpitations and was told that I have metabolic syndrome, which I was told was "pre-diabetes." My sugar was fine, but other readings solidified the diagnosis.

I want to get into that skirt.

But most of all, I have a wonderful husband. I have a great family, fabulous friends and the bestest kitty ever there was a kitty. More nieces and nephews of my heart (i.e., children I love who are not biologically related to me) are starting to be conceived, carried and born. I want to have children of my own. And I want to be here for all of them, with all of them. For a very long time.

I'm scared. I'm intimidated. But I need to do this. If not for myself, then for all of them as well.

And for that skirt. ;)

Posted by beenie at August 28, 2005 10:08 PM