beenie

How to NOT pay a delinquent bill in 15 easy steps

This is not what I need. I already stayed home from work today because I was so stressed that it affected my BP. Grrr.

So I noticed that my state tax refund has been deposited into my account. Hooray! We have a card where we've gotten behind in making payments (it was like $20 a month, so of course I'd forget), so I planned on paying it off with a portion of the refund.

1. Dig out statement from collections department
   
2. Call number on said statement
   
3. Hold for 8 minutes, listening to a gajillion rounds of "All of our representatives are busy helping other customers. Please continue to hold, a representative will be with your shortly."
   
4. Speak with a very nice man named Mr. Santiago, who tells me that unfortunately, my account has been transferred from Collections to Recovery (whatever that means besides "it's been a hella long time since you've paid us"), which renders him unable to help me, since he now has no access to my account information
   
5. Take number for Recovery department from Mr. Santiago, as Mr. Santiago tells me that Recovery is only open from 9-5 Eastern time
   
6. Make witty comment to Mr. Santiago that Recovery should be more interested in having people pay their bills (Mr. Santiago sounded relieved that I wasn't going to rip him a new one, as I'm certain is the case in collection situations - hey, I used to work for a collection agency, so I know).
   
7. Call Recovery anyway, to see if they have an automated system, and what information - if any - I can get from it.
   
8. Press 1 for "English"
   
9. Press 5 for "[name of store] Accounts"
   
10. Exhibit sense of cautious optimism when the recording says "our office hours are 9-5 eastern time, but we are happy to offer you the use of our automated system during off-hours," or something to that effect
    
11. Key in my account number, followed by the # sign
    
12. "Please hold while your account information is being retrieved."
    
13. "Please hold while your call is transferred to the next available operator."
    
14. Get excited that maybe there might be someone there after all! They WANT my money, they REALLY want it!!
    
15. Bang head on desk utility table acting as desk in frustration when "the next available operator" turns out to be a recording telling me that the office is closed.