On the nature of friendship
Why does friendship have to be so complicated? I just don’t get it. It’s so frustrating to me that on one hand, I have friends I can go MONTHS without talking to them and we can pick up like we never left off, but on the other hand are friends who refuse to call you for a couple of months if you don’t return their call within 3 days. Oh, and then when you finally call them, you get chewed out for not calling. Not to mention the fact that I’m totally NOT a phone person.
Take for instance, my friend Dawn. I’ve known her for almost 8 years. She’s my best friend from college, and is like the older sister I never had but always wanted. She came from NY to stand up in my wedding. That was 8 months ago, and I haven’t spoken to her since the wedding. We both know that we’re both incredibly busy, and we don’t have a problem not speaking for so long. We’re both pretty low maintenance when it comes to friendships. And I know that next time I talk to her, or next time I see her, it will be like there was never a lapse. There will be no "how come you didn’t call," no "you’re a bad friend," no "you don’t care about me," no "I guess I’m just not important enough to you." Nobody cares who called the other last, nobody cares how often one person calls over the other. Nobody keeps track. And there has NEVER been any of that. And if I know Dawn as well as I think I do, there never WILL be.
Take Carrie. Also a bridesmaid (hey... I had seven). She is my best friend in WI. She lives in the same town I do, and there have been times where we haven’t seen each other, let alone talked, for a couple of months at a time. It’s not a huge deal. It’s the same as it is with Dawn. We both have very busy lives, and we know we’ll catch up next time. No blame game, no keeping track, none of that crap.
Then take Rayna. I’ve known her for almost 11 years. She is my best friend from high school. She also stood up in my wedding, and she made my absolutely beautiful gown. Even though we both grew up in NY, she currently lives about 3 hours away from me. She called me a few months ago. I wasn’t home and was really busy so I didn’t return her call. She hasn’t called since then. But it’s not like it is with Dawn and Carrie. I know that when I do get around to calling her, all I’m going to hear for the first half hour is how I’m a terrible friend, she’s not important to me, I never call, yadda yadda yadda. Which is part of why I haven’t called yet. I just have this pool of dread welling up at the bottom of my stomach.
Maybe I’ll just send a card or something.
Posted by beenie at April 22, 2003 10:27 AM