beenie

Family crapola I have had

Family crapola
I have had it up to HERE with my damn family's "hush-hush, keep everything a secret" attitude. Some background:

* When I was still in NY, there was one Christmas where my grandmother seemed really out of it - no carols, no piano-playing, nothing. Very unusual. I asked my dad about it and he wouldn't talk about it at first. After pestering, he finally told me that my uncle (who is a paranoid schizophrenic) had gone back into the hospital a few weeks/months prior.
* My grandmother's younger brother and sister were both adopted. My great-aunt Louise (one of the adopted ones) told me about that probably when I was 9 or 10. I asked my grandmother about it a few weeks later and she snapped at me: "she had no right to tell you that, that's none of your business." Not another word was said.
* My grandmother has an older sister. I only found out about this a year ago. Her father's marriage to her mother was his second, and apparently had a daughter with his first wife. But I also have express warning from my father not to talk to her about it because she'd be upset if she knew that anyone was discussing it.

I've been stewing over that last one for a year. But this, THIS is the proverbial straw: My sister told me last night that my 12-year-old cousin has been diagnosed as being borderline autistic. I asked her a few questions (like, what are doing for him, etc.) and my sister said "I don't know. Daddy didn't even want Mommy to tell me."

WHY on earth does my family have to be this way? WHY is everything such a secret?!?! And especially with stuff having to do with mental illness and brain dysfunction? My grandfather died of a brain tumor, my uncle is a paranoid schizophrenic, my cousin (son of a different uncle) is borderline autistic. Almost makes me wonder if anything's in store for my kids.

And then there's the whole family history aspect. I have a sneaking suspicion that my aunt Louise will start talking after my grandmother passes on, but what happens if Louise goes first (doubtful, but always a possibility)? I'm so afraid my entire family history will go to the grave with my grandmother.

I want to talk to my dad about it, but I don't think he'd be willing to talk And I'd have a much harder time doing it over e-mail or phone - he can always just not respond to my e-mail, or give the phone to my mother if I piss him off. I won't see him again until Christmas - and I don't want to ruin Christmas. Shit.

Posted by beenie at June 21, 2003 02:21 PM